Sam Walton's 10 Rules for Success in Hell

Rule #2
Screw the associates! Treat them like the pondscum they are and they'll gorvel at your feet and beg to keep their jobs! Plus, it's great for the entertainment value alone.

Rule #3
Motivate your partners. Put a good swift kick in their ass and remind them who's the boss from time to time!

Rule #4
Confuse your partners as much as possible. The less they know, the better. Information is power, and you have to make sure the power is in the right hands--yours!

Rule #5
Appreciate everything your associates do for the business. Without those stupid morons, you would actually have to do the work yourself. Keep them in line and make them fear the unemployment line and you'll stay on top.

Rule #6
Celebrate your success and find humour in other people's failures. And do everything in your power to contribute to their failure. Do unto others before they do unto you!

Rule #7
Listen to everyone in your company, and figure out ways to get them talking. This is best done with security cameras and bugging the phone lines. A few well paid snitches helps, too. And you get to hear all the juicy gossip while you're at it!

Rule #8
Anticipate your customer�s expectations. If you do they�ll come back over and over, and you can suck their wallets and checkbooks dry! A sucker is born every minute, and you want them all to shop in your store. �Satisfaction guaranteed� will make all the difference. Especially if you make sure you're the one who's satisfied!

Rule #9
Control your expenses better than your competition. This is where you can always find the competitive advantage. The less you pay your employees, and the more you rip off the customers, the more $money$ you make!

Rule #10
Most of all, forget ethics! In lue of the almighty dollar, nothing is sacred, it's a dog eat dog world, and just make sure that you're the fattest mutt on the block!

�